The Long Cold Run

Doing it for Chris

Last night at my team meeting, there was a woman talking about what it was like to find out that your baby son has stage 3 cancer in his testicles, lungs, and other organs and what it was like to run 5 years after the treatment ended, covering that last mile with the same son who thankfully has remained cancer free.

I listened, holding my son asleep in my arms and began to think about what it was like last year, out on the course when in the beginning, people would just see "Chris" and not "For Chris". The turning point came when a young man of 9-10 yelled "Go Chris" and then looked again at what my singlet said and after seeing "For Chris" and Dana-Farber began to yell "Do it for Chris --- you gotta do it for Chris." That energy kept me going.

The day we lost Chris was also my 29th birthday. I remember feeling angry that he died on my birthday (I don't really enjoy birthdays but nonetheless, that's how I felt) and sad that he wouldn't be able to come watch the marathon with DFMC folks at mile 25 afterall. Just a few weeks before, he and I had talked about him coming to watch...now, almost a year later, I find myself in a different place - still sad but also realizing just how much borrowed time we all got with him.

The experimental treatments gave us a little extra time -- he was Stage 3 when diagnosed and things quickly progressed from there but when he opted for the experimental treatment, things slowed back down. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months -- he made it almost a year. Last year, crossing the finish line, I saw his favorite biblical passage flying on a church banner to celebrate the marathon -- he asked that I use it during last year's fundraising. "May you run and not grow weary. May you walk and not faint" -- Isiah 40:31

posted by Jesse @ 8:34 PM